My Story: Released From Bishopric

Making the Transition

My adventures in discovering the wonder and beauty outside of the mirror of my former LDS life

Who is this blog for?

In the few months since we've left the LDS church, I come to find out there is an enormous number of us in transition. The conversations have been fun/funny.

I thought I'd capture some of the moments for anyone else coming behind (beside?) us.  Breadcrumbs in the forest (like Hansel and Gretel only not with the same ending, lol ;)

One common theme in the stories (ours and others') is that we're all stumbling around in the real world finding fun new things, trying and failing in others. I thought it would be entertaining to capture some of our own silly adventures.  Not sure if anyone else will be interested but feel free to read.

Who is this not for?

The only folks I can think of that shouldn't read are those that would like to think that Rebecca and I are hurting, sad or in church withdrawal/denial. You won't find any of that, sorry.


Totally believing LDS folks might find it entertaining so feel free to read.

Who are you and why do I care?

If you can find humor in a 30-something that had his first drink (surprise) and the stealthy manner in which he went underwear shopping (for the first time since he was a kid) this might be interesting to you.  It's kinda like the 40-year-old Virgin played out in real life.

Long story short, I was Mormon until August when my family and I left the church.
Three kids, LDS mission, hundreds of trips to the temple and countless hours of church service before I finally discovered that it just isn't true.

Ok, gimme the story...

Short summary:  As far as personal stories go, it was all pretty dramatic (for me).  I'll try to be as honest as I can. My journey took me from years of TBM ("totally believing Mormon") through Prop 8 insanity, into our Ward bishopric followed by an abrupt exit.


Real story: Truth is that I was living the standard LDS story, fully invested, until Proposition 8, the LDS-backed (organized and financed)  (wikipedia) California ballot initiative to block gay couples from marriage.  Until then, I think the only thing perhaps not "standard" about me is that I've always been a liberal (bleeding heart) and it continued to surprise me how most LDS were so conservative but I shrugged it off.  It didn't bother me until the church's official statement on supporting Prop 8:

"Do all you can to support the proposed constitutional amendment by donating of your means and time."

Prop 8 shook me.  It was during the Prop 8 enfolding that I first realized the church might not be infallible.  I looked a couple things up, my search was centered on the reasoning for the history of the LDS priesthood (the church denied priesthood from people of other races until 1978... (wikipedia) for those that may not know, the "Priesthood" isn't just leadership, it is a right/rite and requirement for "all worthy males", except black men pre-1978 and it is a prerequisite to being able to receive all LDS blessings).

During that search, I stumbled on a brief history of the Book of Abraham (wikipedia) and... that was it. I knew then. I didn't look deeper (LDS apologist reponses to problems with Book of Abraham) until much later, I was scared to honestly.  I was awake all that night, alone, realizing that it's all been an illusion?  Or maybe there is some truth to it still, convoluted but still true?

I spend the next year rebuilding myself, engaging even more in the church, hoping to understand if I was alone in this and trying to justify my life of service.

I was called to the Elder's Quorum presidency around this time. A year later, a couple good friends left the church because of, you guessed it, they found out about the Book of Abraham and a whole lot more. That shook me up again. I watched the United States shaken in the grip of George Bush conservatism each night on the Daily Show and Colbert Report.  My chats with Rebecca each night were my only release.

I was then called to be the EQ President.  I was initially hesitant but at the time, Rebecca, while she had the same problems and doubts, was still a believer (she didn't look into anything) and I found that my happiest moments in the church were visiting people, knocking on doors of folks many of whom were down on their luck and I didn't push the church, I just told them I was there if they needed someone.  Oddly enough, EQ duties kept me from having to teach things that I didn't feel comfortable with.  So I accepted the calling.  After a couple years I started to think that I'd ride out my EQ calling and then I'd pull back.  It was only 5 years (or so) right?

A couple years later our bishopric was switched out... and I got the phone call from the Stake President's secretary. I knew what it meant and I worried about it terribly.

I went to my dad, a new convert but still very liberal man (even with his current church belief). I told him my doubts and he understood them.  His advice was go ahead to the interview but make sure I tell them the things that bothered me.  He said that the answer would be obvious to the Stake Presidency then.

That's what I did.  I said how I love the brothers and sisters in my ward and I'm perfectly happy to serve as they want me to but that I had some issues.  I said that I didn't think that the Priesthood being withheld from black people could possibly have been from god.  I said that I had serious issues with polygamy. I said that I was a liberal, democrat and I supported gay rights. Rebecca was in the room with me and listened to the whole thing and nodded her head.

I was assured that they felt I was kind, generous and of a charitable heart and that this was the most important aspect of the calling as councilor to the bishop.  He said that a testimony of these other things may come in time.  He asked Rebecca if I was worthy and she said yes, of course. That was it.  I was sustained as the ward first councilor and the rest is history...

Though, of course, it wasn't.

You were clearly very fully invested... how/why did you leave then?

The rest deserves a couple blog posts on their own but Rebecca and I took a trip to Europe (part business, part pleasure). It was a transcendent event in so many ways. Something happened to me.  The art, the sum of thousands of years of human emotion, it hit me hard. I came back a changed person, moreso than learning the church history problems before.

I was inspired, glowing, a human torch. It's like I'd been touched by the finger of a god and I had accepted who I am. If anyone is interested, I can capture the events, the works of art that led to that moment.  I can still put them together.  I'd be interested if anyone else could take the same journey of thought and find their own spiritual moment.

Rebecca sensed the change and pondered it. We went on a Spring vacation with the family and I could also tell she was thinking things over deeply herself.  We have always been close but we grew closer.  After our vacation, she had made some of her own decisions but it left her uncertain.  She demanded I tell her what things I knew, some resources to read that weren't "anti" (the most disparaging and discouraging term for anything not LDS).  I pointed her to www.mormonthink.com.

The site is not an anti site, there is very little opinion and they are honest about sources that are circumstantial, but the vast body of fact is overwhelming.  It's a carefully documented examination of "everything else" that the church leaves out of the official manuals but nevertheless are the reality.

What were your big issues?

Interestingly I've found from other folks leaving the church that the issues that shocked us the most change across the spectrum.

For me, there were a few top issues:
As painful as it was to find out, I was shocked to find out Joseph Smith's polygamy was not with widows, it was with unmarried teenage girls and other still-married women, some of whom were married to faithful men sent out on missions (by Joseph Smith). This is not speculation, it is recorded in the familysearch.org records including the ages of the girls and the dates they were "married".  Some of the girls journals still survive, including the dismayed feelings they had when they found out they would be "secret" brides to JS, not just in name, and that they were off the market from other youth activities (courtship for example). Either god is uninterested in sexual sins or there are serious problems with this.

The First Vision wasn't adopted by the LDS church until the 1920's and Brigham Young either never heard of it or he didn't believe it. It is iron clad fact that Brigham believed that Adam was God the Father, aka Elohim, recorded in official church talks over the pulpit in multiple occasions. In fact, until at least 10 years after the church was founded (church founded in 1830, wasn't even mentioned in a church publication until 1842) references in church publications (and members' journals) that mention the "First Vision" are referring to Moroni's visit.  No mention at all of a boy's prayer and a godlike visit.

The Book of Abraham papyrus wasn't lost in a fire, the church has the very copy, with Emma's affidavit on back even, that he translated and the church has his "alphabet" that he used to translate... and it is so incredibly not even apologetically close that apologists struggle to explain it. It turns out it was an ordinary and common funeral text. Ugh.

Corroborated by Russell M Nelson in his talk "A Treasured Testament" (Ensign July, 1993) the Book of Mormon translation was accomplished when Joseph buried his face in a hat with his "peeping stone" (later called the "seer" stone) and he would read the words as they appeared in the darkness of the hat.  Joseph didn't read from gold plates when he translated, he wasn't alone with his scribe, and there was no Urim and Thumim (to non-LDS this stuff all sounds greek, I know) ever mentioned until many years later.  Why would the church depict him translating at a table when they know he buried his face in a hat?  Is it because it freaks them out as much as it did me?  It turns out Joseph had his "stone" long before he claimed his visions and this was the reason he was arrested and convicted (the only time I know of) of scrying for treasure.  So all those times we learned in Sunday School that Joseph _wasn't_ a treasure seeker turned out to be bogus.  JS had a stone, the courts took it from him as evidence, and he later found another one when digging a well.


When you take away the First Vision, and you realize that Joseph Smith wasn't a "good" man when it came to sexual sins, the translation of the Book of Abraham has serious credibility issues and you picture him looking into a hat and using his stone to do "scrying", what the heck do you have left?  But there is sooooo much more.  Ugh, it was so painful to find these things out.

You sound like the people the church warned us about...

If you describe anyone that disagrees with you as evil and angry then you'll always be looking over your shoulder. The reality is I was fully, completely and totally a believer, I wasn't being sinful, doubtful, evil, angry or any of that.  I simply looked at the facts, initially with skepticism and suddenly I realized that the preponderance of evidence made me realize that the only thing keeping my from seeing with reasonable eyes was... my pride and fear.

I had everything to lose and who wants to admit you've been wrong for so long?  Through a mission, through school and college, through marriage and a career.  Our pride resists.

And then there is the fear... it is far easier to let someone tell us that the answers are all there.  Who wants to live a life without knowing what happens at the end?

So how did you leave?

Within a week, Rebecca not only knew more of the facts than I did, she said to me "You need to ask for a release and it's time to get out."  She felt lied to, betrayed, and she didn't want to waste any more of our lives living something that simply can't be true.

The next several weeks were eventful.  The story is all here if you want to read it as it unfolded

First the Reddit post on making the decision and getting out

"Released from Bishopric"

Here was when the family found out and in the comments is our "Exit Interview" with the bishop

Here is the public blog announcement when I posted it to our Facebook.