Underwear

Here's a strange topic... after we left I had no underwear. 
My first trip to buy some was an embarrassing story, to say the least.


For the non-LDS folks, any good/faithful member goes to the temple and you are required from that day forward to wear the garments they give you (and none other). Temple entrance requirements aren't exclusive (unless you are talking about the secret Second Endowment that general members are not told about), they are pretty basic.

For LDS people to enter the temple 

1. You pay tithing certified by bishop at an annual interview in which you look at your total amount donated and tell the bishop if this is truly 10% of your income. 
2. You are at least 18 years old and have been a member for 1 year.
3. You sit for an interview in which they ask you if you believe in the church, that Joseph Smith was a prophet and the head of the church today is the one and only prophet and that you are not drinking/smoking and if you have had sex outside of marriage you have already confessed it.  

That sums it up. 

Garments

Back to the underwear and the fact that I had none. If you aren't familiar with Mormon garments, they are ugly. Lets just be honest.  Hideously ugly.  Words don't describe so go ahead and look them up.  They used to be fully body things and, in fact, they still sell these "one piece" versions you can buy. It's a common joke for younger folks to suggest that some people used to even bathe in their garments (yes, showers in their clothes) but there are some still alive that actually do. I will not elaborate more than that, I don't want to name folks but trust me, it's true.

Part of it comes from a promise to never take your garment off. Commonly folks would say that there are exceptions like swimming, sports, etc.  Funny thing though is people were apparently too liberal with this because about two years ago the church amended the garment instructions (meant to be read at every temple interview) to specify that many things that are commonly said to be acceptable are really not like never take your shirt completely off (for yard work, etc.) only remove the garment if the required activity simply will not allow it.  

Well, in order to help women comply with this, it got so hardcore that they, I kid you not, have special nursing garments with... erm... holes in them because the garment goes up to the neck. Women need access for their babies right?  No to be insulting to LDS folks (we've been there so we can sympathize) but, damn, those things were so darn unsexy. Yikes.

Trip to the store

We obviously had to buy some new underwear. We knew that most people in our church didn't yet know that we'd left the church.  We didn't want to make it a big deal for others (though in hindsight I see that this was silly) so we kinda avoided anything that would make it obvious to friends, which we surprisingly frequently stumble on.

The first couple days I wore my underwear that I had to purchase years ago when I, well, got the snip.  I only had three pair of those.  Ugh.  Hadta get some more.

So my wife and I were at the store and decided to get some for me (she already had some, thank goodness).  I remembered wearing boxers in high school so I though I'd just walk over and buy some.  But damn! We walked by someone that was a member.  Now what?  I'm not going to wait until she leaves and we aren't coming here to the store and leaving without them. 

So I do a quick look around.  Nobody in sight.

I turn the corner into the section looking for the quick find... shoot, there are whole new categories of underwear in there. Boxer briefs? Long briefs?  WTF?  I don't have to go cheap anymore either, back in high school, money was always an issue.  

I was in a hurry though.  Tighty whitey? Noway. Those boxers are ugly. Flannel?  Yikes, no.  I look for the most expensive pairs and it looks like they are these boxer briefs, silky. I want something sexy so I can actually wear them and not be embarrassed. My ass looks ok, right?  OK, fine I'll try those ones. Shoot, grab them and run! 

Whew! I got out of there. And safely back to the cart. Crud! There isn't anything else in the cart and now I'm going to have to walk around with these things. I thought maybe I'd grab something else and cover it?  I was next to the baby section, can't grab anything there.

Well, we made it out, with the underwear. I was pretty darn ashamed of how inexperienced I was in all that.

It wasn't until later another formerly LDS friends said "Why didn't you just go on Sunday?" Heehee. I never thought of that.